28.7.19.
OMG it’s getting hard. I find I have little patience at midnight when mum gets her second wind. I am too tired to instruct her how to wash herself on the bidet, how to dry herself and put cream on her happy rash. And I forget to speak softly and calmly.
I can feel the tension rising in my chest and tonight for the first time I feel so angry when she doesn’t understand when I tell her to get back into bed.
I snap ‘That is a silly question!’ when she asks ‘How to go to bed?’
But it isn't silly. I just lost it.
I know dementia doesn’t get easier, and this is where we are - on the path of slowly losing 'it'.
I think I’m more irritated because I expected the night carer to come for an hour and relieve me, but they’ve cancelled, time after time. I’m frustrated with them which makes me short with mum.
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