• Jane

I snap


OMG it’s getting hard. I find I have little patience at midnight when mum gets her second wind. I am too tired to instruct her how to wash herself on the bidet, how to dry herself and put cream on her happy rash. And I forget to speak softly and calmly. 

I can feel the tension rising in my chest and tonight for the first time I feel so angry when she doesn’t understand when I tell her to get back into bed. 

I snap ‘That is a silly question!’ when she asks ‘How to go to bed?’ 

But it isn't silly. I just lost it. 

I know dementia doesn’t get easier, and this is where we are - on the path of slowly losing 'it'.  

I think I’m more irritated because I expected the night carer to come for an hour and relieve me, but they’ve cancelled, time after time. I’m frustrated with them which makes me short with mum.