1.10.18.
Mum’s really confused today. When I woke up she was nowhere in sight. I looked in all the rooms and then realised that she must be outside in the morning sunshine. When I walked into the kitchen I saw that she hadn’t eaten her breakfast . When she finally came in from outside, she stood by her tablets, confused, even after I instructed her what to do.
Monday today?
Yes Monday.
What about Tuesday?
That’s tomorrow.
My porridge?
Yes - thats your porridge.
She looks at the instructions on how to make her porridge (even though these days I’m mostly making it).
I say Don’t worry about the instructions. I’ve already made your porridge.
She looks at me blankly, And then back at the instructions.
I can feel my patience draining away. I need to be more patient and present. I often walk away in these situations cos I need to break away from the intensity, and calm down.
But I decide to sit near her and take my computer and write this. I feel I need to be close-by and attentive, in a way.
She whispers from the couch: Take this, and shows me the unfinished porridge.
Why didn’t you eat it?
‘I don’t know’ she says, and points to her head.
She shows me that she is feeling very confused.
And then she falls asleep.