August 2022
Mum’s agitated to say the least. I’ve climbed into her bed to keep an eye on her. She’s so restless, it’s the fourth or fifth time she’s getting out of bed and pulling her pants off. She’s puffed out, wheezing, and has that determined look on her face that means nothing can stop her. I’m tired, it’s 1.30am.
I had brought her home twelve hours ago for a cosy Shabbat lunch with Yasha, Gil and me. It felt good and wholesome having her back here again. We had missed her. But something had changed in her since she had moved to the facility. She was very quiet at the table. Even when Gil sang her favourite songs, she didn’t perk up but just gave a small glance of recognition.
Lying next to her now, trying to keep her calm, I wondered why I didn’t I take her back to the facility earlier, after lunch.
I know the answer. I wanted her to soak up the bubbly family vibes, fill her up with some ‘normal life’. Not the stagnant, dull, boring atmosphere of the facility.
Just a few hours ago she looked so sweet and docile sitting on the couch with Gil.
Except for a low light from the walk-in wardrobe, the room is dark. I feel squashed next to her, but at least my feet are warm resting on the heat pack. Oh no. Again. She throws the blankets off and pulls her pants and nappies down - I sense something must be really disturbing her. I try to calm her. Her movements are abrupt.
Toilet, toilet she manages to mouth, pointing at the bidet in the corner of the room.
Maybe it’s another Urinary Tract Infection (UTI)? I’ll have to let the facility know tomorrow. She’s elevated, in her ‘Cuckoo’ state. I don’t know where she gets her energy from, most days she passes the time sleeping and can barely stand up. I try to pacify her in a quiet voice even though I’m on the edge of losing it.
Mum, why do you want to stand up? I rest my hand on her shoulder and try very hard to be kind and gentle. You just went to the toilet a few minutes ago. It seems to work. She stays in bed, but she squirms around, restless.
My eyes are drooping, I have to sleep. I can’t wait for the morning.
Earlier in the day