Late July 2018.
I’m back home after 11 days at a Vipassana silent meditation retreat.
I’m in the kitchen with mum again for breakfast. While away it became clear that I need to start making making mum’s tea and porridge. I can see that she’s regressed and it’s a massive feat for her to make breakfast without my help.
But I’ll start tomorrow. I’m not organised enough in my head yet.
Meanwhile she’s staring at the porridge again and reading the instructions that I thought I wrote so clearly, but now are too hard for her.
She reads out loudly ‘Morning breakfast’. But she's so confused.
I back out to calm down and bring my laptop so I can be present but quietly detached.
Yasha is in the kitchen at the same time. God bless him. He has complete patience for mum.
I’m sitting quietly with my laptop. He helps her cook the porridge for 3 minutes and then adds the sugar and milk.
I call out to mum while pointing to Yasha ‘He’s a good boy, right?! She smiles warmly, porridge on lap and nods: ‘Nobody knows’.
I ask Yasha Do you lose your patience with Nana?
He replies: If I’m here I’m happy to help her and yes, I have patience. For nana I do, for other people I don’t.
Mum finishes and comes to me. What can I do now?
Sit and relax I say.
Actually you can open the blinds.
The day begins.
Today I was busy with taking Yasha, Bee & Gil to the airport. When I retuned home, mum was concerned that I hadn’t eaten.
What shall I do first, cos you are so quick? she asks me
First you can drink your tea.
Tell me, cos I am not ‘mental good’.
Mum sits down and raises her cup: First of all to drink this?
How do we start the day, what do we say? Shabbat shalom’?
I say ‘You say good morning’.
Just good morning?
Yes, good morning.
Oh, I didn’t know .
Thank you thank you Jane for keeping me alive. I know, because of you, I am alive.